


Shackles

by White Trenchcoat (white_trenchcoat)



Category: One Piece
Genre: Depressing, Gen, Like really depressing, Sanji POV, inner thoughts, sanji is hurting, suicidal thoughts if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-01 20:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8636203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/white_trenchcoat/pseuds/White%20Trenchcoat
Summary: Set during Chapters 843 and 844.With his family on one side and his friends on the other, Sanji makes the choice that will haunt him forever.





	1. Prelude to despair

**Author's Note:**

> Set over the events of Chapters 843 and 844, just a little bit of fun at trying to get into Sanji's mind. This chapter deals with the events of 843, when Sanji kicks Luffy away.

Clarity. For the first time in days, I have it. Everything became clear once Luffy jumped onto the side of the carriage, once Judge looked at me, judging everything I did.

I would never see them again. The joys we shared, the sorrows, will give me comfort in the coming days, but they are in the past now. I told them to leave, to go away, even though my heart sings to see Luffy and my dear Nami again. A lifetime of isolation, fear and humiliation in these last few days, and now that I begin to accept my situation, they appear. It's so unfair! Don't they see why I'm doing this? Don't they see that it hurts?

After all, why did Robin trust the Government over us? Why did she keep kicking us away, no matter how far we went? I understand the answer now: she lacked faith. Faith in Luffy and the others, faith that everything will be alright, faith that happiness is possible. We declared war on the World Government for her, and now they're going to declare war on the Germa. I have to do this; we're facing enemies far worse than the World Government now, far worse than an Emperor.

Dreams.

These manacles feel heavier than they've ever been, the suffocating atmosphere threatening to kill me. I've gone so past the point of no return I can't even cry; the air like syrup in my cracking throat. Each word that escapes burns on exit, scorching my heart and soul. It hurts so much.

Its been like that the past few days, but I guess all the tears for this place were shed when I was a kid. I feel no different than that child now, unable to control his own destiny, unable to do anything without the watchful and disapproving gaze of his family.

I thought I could sort out my own problems; but I was unprepared, unable to do anything. Don't you understand, Luffy? Here in the New World, dreams do not guide us forward, but anchor us down. I am imprisoned by my dreams; shackles far deadlier than the ones on my wrists. A jailer more fearsome than my family, and infinitely more untouchable.

Oh I know, I can never find the All Blue. This cannot be the path to it, full of despair, regrets, ache and pain. If I need to reject everything I hold dear to find the All Blue, I'd rather die. Despite all my training, despite my our efforts, I cannot survive in the New World, because not even dreams are enough.

I'm sorry, Monkey D. Luffy. I will sacrifice my dreams so you can follow yours.


	2. Point of no return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's actually happening now. Sanji has made his decision. Now he has to survive his own conscience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A change in format because my muse ran out in doing more like the previous, except near the end.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

What I need to, playing the role forced upon me.

STOP IT! HE'S NOT FIGHTING BACK!

He will. He's never just stood there, never let someone beat the crap out of him.

YOU'LL MAKE NAMI-SAN CRY!

She's strong, she's been through worse. The Grand Line has taken its toil on all of us.

HE'S YOUR CAPTAIN!

Why don't you leave Luffy. I want you to go, that part is not a lie. Leave me to my fate.

HE'S NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU!

He will. He's my captain.

SEE?

He was my captain. He is… was... my friend.

HE STILL IS.

Stop it, don't you think I know that?! This is hard enough as it is without a second voice screaming at me.

"Have you ever heard of the All Blue?"

"Come be my nakama."

It's because of these memories I do this, don't you get it?!

YOU'RE BREAKING NAMI'S HEART.

…then I'll break it. I'll make them hate me. Leave, Luffy. For god's sake, just leave! Aren't my kicks hurting, don't you feel the pain?

YOURS OR HIS?!

…

HE'S STILL STANDING.

…Not for long.

The sky is big, and wide. If only i could escape into it once more, run away from my troubles, fly above it all. That would be heaven… but I will never reach it. I'm coming down now, straight to hell.

"Stop! That's enough, you win, Sanji! We'll leave!" Nami.

LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO HER.

Shut up!!

"Hey cook, be my nakama."

Concasse.

<>

Don't cry. Don't show any weakness. Let them see what they want, a violent beat down, a statement of separation, and not a farewell.

I smell her perfume as she comes up behind me, and the slap that reverberates in my soul is more painful than anything so far. She's rejected me, utterly… but that's what I wanted, isn't it? To be alone.

Darkness swirls around me, Black Leg Sanji, who made a woman cry, and beat up my friend.

I guess I'm a Vinsmoke after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although posted now, these were written as the Chapters were released in English, so if later chapters contradict some of the things in this story, that's why. It just seemed fun, and a good way to flex my writing skills.

**Author's Note:**

> 844 is covered in the next chapter.


End file.
